Hi everyone, I know I’m a slack entertainer as of late, I’m sorry for that. But I’m sad. I’m not sorry I’m sad, I’m not sorry I’m a poor entertainer, but I’m sorry I didn’t share why, why I felt I couldn’t share. Honestly who wants to read a story with only the good parts? That’s ridiculous and life isn’t like that. I’m working hard on learning how to share without fear. I worry I overshare, but I also worry as a community that we undershare. That people don’t have the comfort of a place to disclose their deepest fears. I think we can can have so much fun here, but we can also be honest. We can support eachother, make connections and friends. So here goes….
I’m a super happy person but we have been through a lot and it’s just sort of building up and weighing me down. How much do I deserve? Jack the eldest has been coming home from school every day, for a couple of weeks now. He makes it until about 1 o’clock and then he just can’t be there anymore, his stomach hurts, his head hurts and he calls me to ask “is it’s a good time” and could he please come home. By dinner time he feels better. I’ve asked him every question you could imagine. We have a doctors appointment next week for a full work up, planning eye and hearing test, BUT today…. I was at a birthday lunch when he called, and I skipped out to pick him up. We were in the school hallway and during my questions of what hurt he said “my heart hurts” and there was a chair they’re because I would’ve sat on the floor.* I immediately squished his face and looked in his eyes, pulled his lips out to check the colour and then ripped his snow clothes off and pinched his fingernails and poked his skin to check the colour.
I know we signed up for this but I just feel like I’m getting hammered. I’ve been to so many specialist appointments, poor sweet Benjamin needs dental surgery where he’ll be admitted to hospital and put fully to sleep due to PTSD from the accident. We have also started speach therapy, so more appointments. There was a bit of a delay before but the accident changed the shape of, well everything, so now we are doing weekly speach therapy.
I just wonder when enough is enough? How many dues does one family pay?
This has all been crummy and I have been hesitant to share. I worry if I share too much maybe I’ll overload you and you won’t come back. I want to tell the story of Benjamin’s accident so you know but I don’t think you’d like it. I think you’d be so sad and that’s not what I want, I want you to feel happy. I want you to feel joyful and empowered, and entertained! But we also need an honest place where you can share anything.
Today at the luncheon I was so fortunate to have some people share with me. They had read the blog and knew I would understand and I think saw that I needed someone else to share and support me. To me that was so special and amazing. I appreciated so much that someone would feel comfortable enough with me and I stopped feeling quite so sorry for myself and inspired.
Okay so hello again! Let’s get this show on the road again!! The house is going up for sale. Now seriously, which rooms shall we tour first?!!!