Oh my, my, what a weekend we’ve had. Where do we even start?
You may have seen on Facebook and Instagram that we had a little panic last night. Jack was so sick. Burning up, dizzy, sad sad sad. It’s classic that I was solo parenting. Husband had gone to the States for a football game and his first-ever tailgate party. Isn’t that just the way it works? We talked about it at work all the time, one spouse leaves and you just hope you’ve had some rest because something is bound to happen. Jack had a fairly severe headache off and on all last week. Last night it came to a peak with a crazy fever I just could not get down. I debated going to emergency and even had an emergency sitter but he was so tired, he begged me to just let him sleep. He’s a bit big for me to carry so I let him sleep as long as he could and by then husband was home. We took him into emerg this morning and he has a ‘raging case of strep.’ My poor babe. I’m not sure this addresses the headaches he’s been having but we did ask and were told that whatever is in his system is overpowering anything else that might be happening. I think that’s fair. I booked him an appointment to get his eyes re-checked in the hopes it’s that simple. For now, he’s sleeping on and off. I feel so bad for him, he’s both snoring and whimpering in his sleep. I hope tomorrow and modern medicine will bring him a little more joy.
Me and The Pain Clinic: I have a new pain clinic. I haven’t let myself get hopeful about this but this is one of the big reasons I wanted to move. I need more help than I was getting. Now that I’ve been I’ll be a little more honest. The three most common questions about my health are:
Are you in PAIN? Yes
Are you in pain all the time? Yes
Does anything ever make it go away? No
Okay, so I think we’re done here! Just kidding! I try really hard to separate my pain from my day. Just because I had a bad pain day doesn’t mean I had a bad day. I do my best to adapt as many things as I can and skip as many things as I can. I pretty much try to only do things that bring me joy now. It has taken a lot of pain management therapy to get to that point. I’m lucky I found a good Pain Psychologist who helped me. I went through a few before I found the right fit. Those are actually amazingly weird stories that we should share! I’m still weirded out by one specific psychologist I saw. He wore brown scrub-type clothes and looked like a prison inmate. Why? I don’t know because he was self-employed, working out of his basement, thus upping his epic uber creepy factor. He kept saying, ‘But you hate your kids, but you hate your kids.’ I’m kind of glad we moved to get further away from him too. I’m still a little creeped out. Why would I hate my kids? I did not go back there.
But back to today. Yes I’m in pain, all the time. I take hydromorphine like pez. Well, that might be an exaggeration, it doesn’t actually come in a pez form. It only comes in childproof containers that my old lady hands often can’t open, good thing I have children to open them for me, lol! I hide my pain because I don’t want you to feel sad for me. I’m sure by now you suspected as much anyways. I don’t want you to feel sad because then I feel sad, and then everyone cries. We can talk about it today because today, I have a little hope, for the first time in a long time. I spent at least two hours with my new doctor and there is a plan. An actual plan! Not a, ‘Sorry, we’ve done everything we can.’ No rolling eyes. No suck it up buttercup, off you go! There’s a combination of medication changes, nerve blocks, injections, and still, we’ll stick with a pain therapist. I’m nervous to find a new one but everyone needs a person they can unload with. With chronic pain I think it should not be your spouse. Husband does enough things for me, he knows how badly I feel, he lives with me! It’s hard to see someone you love in pain. (See above paragraph, for example). I’m not making any excuses for him for when I’m cranky with him but he deserves full credit for above and beyond the call of husbanding. He does wash my hair for me on a regular basis, he lets me sleep through dinner at least once a week and he doesn’t judge me.
I feel that Toronto has so much to offer our family. I am hopeful and I will keep you posted on the small human as well as myself. My first injections are next Thursday. Maybe we can take a video!!! Hahah I’m sure he’d love that. No pressure!
This is so completely not the post I intended for you today! It was much more upbeat. On that note, it’s been rainy all day and I am ready to cozy up with last night’s Outlander and a hot cup of tea and a glass of wine. Here’s sweet Henry to perk you up from this depressing post. You can’t help but smile seeing a dog in a raincoat.